Match Report | Chew Magna Cricket Club |  Somerset | England | UK
Last Updated 23rd Jan 2019, 12:05:13

Match Report

1st XI v Bedminster (A)

Saturday, 14th June 2014
West of England Premier League
Bristol Somerset

It was Sunday morning in the Hosier household:

"Cher I've got a headache"

"I'm not surprised you were a right twerp last night.  You were drinking like Apple based drinks were going out of fashion, and just going up to random people at the rugby club ball asking them if they'd like to hear about how the mighty Chew Magna CC got on today. Oh, and you turn up 2 hours late and miss the food.           

"Can you get me a tablet?"

"No, you're not allowed them, you know that. And Chew Magna RFC's number 8 didn't think recreating your winning run with his chair was at all funny. In fact he was going to hurt you for even daring to recreate something without Vile being there."

"Oh I thought he liked me..."

"No he deffo didn't. He also thought you were a crank. I mean, what type of idiot would get a rugby player in a head lock and turn today's cricket match against Bedminster into a fairytale...."

Are you sitting comfortably children?  Then I'll begin.

Once upon a time in the far, far away land called Bedmuncher lived a big, big cricket club. Now this big, big cricket club was the envy of everyone. It had a lovely ground, brilliant nets, loads of teams, even a fancy slush puppy machine, and more kids than a one direction gig. With the tiny, tiny village from Somerset getting promoted last year, it meant the boys from the cricket club from the tiny, tiny village called Chew would one day have to play the mighty Bedmunchers from the big, big cricket club.

Now when that day arrived, and the young men from tiny, tiny Chew had to travel all the way to Bedmuncher to take on the big, big team. This caused just a little bit of panic in the tiny, tiny valley after last week's midsomer murder. "But it is still in Somerset" Charlie was told. Vile was given directions. The King arrived all shook up. Watto came straight from work. And me? Well boys and girls, I knew just where it was.

The tiny, tiny Chew lost the toss and had to field. The game was on. The boys from the tiny, tiny village bowled ok, and The King took the prize wicket of 'the other Australian' (for 46), and then went on and on and on about it. Catches were caught, more wickets were taken, and soon it was time for some soothing cordial. At drinks, it looked as though a major disagreement over orange or orange and pineapple (**) might cause some upset, but I won't digress, and I'll go on with the story.

The Bedmunchers had got 237 for the loss of 9 wickets, with The King showing why he got his funny nickname. The boys from the tiny, tiny village thought that 237 was about par, but they knew they had to dig in and get a few runs. Well boys and girls, guess what one of us did? The game flowed one way and the other, with the big scary umpires sending some of the boys back to the hutch. But in the 50th overž Watto tossed away his wicket on 91 and it was left to FilerD (35 not out) and me (1, or 3, depending on who you believe) to go like little Peter Rabbits and scamper the few remaining runs.

This was truuuuly incredible! The brave boys from the tiny, tiny village had beaten the Bedmunchers. "Bedmunchers, Lord Nelson, Lord Beaverbrook, Sir Winston Churchill, Sir Anthony Eden, Clement Attlee, Henry Cooper, Lady Diana, Maggie Thatcher, Ian Harvey we've beaten you all. Your boys took one hell of a beating" cried out The King in the changing rooms afterwards.

So, with 2 wins on the board, and 6 wins our target to stay up, the boys from tiny, tiny Chew were now full of belief.  We played with smiles on our faces for the first time this season and we enjoyed each other's company. And so children, the moral of the story is that in beating a club with far better cricketers than us, we showed that as a team we can play. And the boys from Chew lived happily ever after.

It's Weston away on Wednesday night. Meet by the grabby machine on the pier...

**It definitely had pineapple in it, trust me

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