Match Report | Chew Magna Cricket Club |  Somerset | England | UK
Last Updated 24th Sep 2016, 10:05:59

Match Report

1st XI v Winterbourne (A)

Saturday, 6th June 2015
West of England Premier League
Bristol & North Somerset

I'm in trouble I've told a lie... Well, I haven't told a lie, I just didn't tell the truth. And I'm going to get found out for sure. It's not even my fault. It just happened. Let me explain to you my loyal readers then I’ll go and tell me wife everything…

So, it's 7am Sunday morning and me head hurts, me knee hurts, there is kebab salad on the pillow, and I'm bumbling like Boris Johnson on Question Time while me wife is shouting things at me:

"What time did you get back last night?"

"You stink of cider."

"There is kebab all over your shirt. And the pillow."

"It's about time you grew up. Getting drunk every time you win a stupid game of cricket – I bet you went up Clifton after, and ended up at Jason's Donner Van."

Oh no, had she been following me? How else did she know all of that?? But, little pumpkins, she made one fatal mistake. WE DID NOT WIN. And this is how it played...

The text went out and I've still got my place. Crazy Sam was working and with the skipper back from spending FIFA bungs it meant a straight swop. It's winterbourne away – what I would call a proper cricket club. They have always done things well – good set up, promote their youth section, fantastic teas and more importantly good cider. We warm up well – all on time this week. Winterbourne warm up to music, not proper music like The Jam or The Clash, but young people's tunes, stuff me daughter listens to. In fact, looking at their side, they are about the same age as her. But like Will I am and his black-eyed peas, I've Got A Feeling…

The skipper loses the toss for the first time this year (tails) and we’re bowling. It's always windy at Winterbourne – the pick of ends isn't a problem, you just bowl into it. Rowan keeps the new ball (with Gary's finger still recovering from the cat injury) so off we go. We do ok – after 20 they are 60 for 3 and were happy. We are fielding well – for us. Watto has a bowl, the white Joel Garner gets a go, but yet again Charlie bowls really well picking up 3 wickets. The King comes on and bowls well, but credit where it's due – their number 8 gives the ball a whack and they end up on 230 at tea.

The best tea so far. I'm using a word here that I've never used in 3 years of match reports and its “chicken gujons”… How very posh, and better than nuggets by a mile. We're not bothered we think 230 is below par. I'm buzzing. I honestly think we're going to do it. First though, I'm doing this Winterbourne tea justice and watching the Derby (lost, again!).

We start batting. Bones gets a good one, Vile runs himself out, but Watto and Dash bat well, then James joins Watto and we keep ticking over, but again losing wickets at bad times. Adam is going well. He will see us home, I'm sure… Nope. Then yet again, I let the team down getting caught out in the 48th over needing 25 to win.

A great game of cricket. We sat in the changies afterwards and I was gutted, then I looked at the lads and I sort of felt better. Yes, losing is a habit and like Zammo on Grange Hill, we've deffo got that habit, but the way we played and everyone contributing, we will soon turn the corner and start winning games of cricket. Then I can get proper drunk, recreate bowling to Vile in a pub, and get a kebab on the way home. Just don't tell me wife…

Nets on Wednesday.

Report by Chew Elvis

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