1st XI v Congresbury (H)
Saturday, 13th June 2015
West of England Premier League
Bristol & North Somerset
So, it's 12.15 on a Sunday afternoon. It's match report time. And after what seems like 800 years of hurt, we've finally gone and did it. We went and won a game of cricket! There were champagne corks a popping, people putting bunting out, even Vile’s dad turned up again (2 visits to Chew Court, 2 wins, by the way…). Me? Well I just opened a can of apple-based drink – no runny mead in our house – and pondered upon our victory and the way I was going to write it up. You see my little pumpkin patch of readers, since our match reports have been going up, our website now gets 14,001 hits a week as people read about our glorious defeats, our drunken antics after, and maybe – just maybe – the odd snippet of cricket. After criticism from certain quarters (not everyone likes Shakespeare, but I digress) we've decided to keep doing exactly the same and stick to our magic formula. So here's this week’s instalment from Chew Court.
On. Off. On. Off. The bloody dog is jumping on the sofa and the TV remote is stuck under the cushion. Am I bothered? Like Brian Steel, no I’m not, but I'm also not interested in Bristol’s finest carpet factory as the skipper has consulted the barons and I'm off early after getting the text on Wednesday telling me I'm in for the visit of Congresbury to Chew. Vice skipper Charlie had been down to the capital of Somerset to watch the cricket on Friday night but assured us he wasn't drinking. Crazy Sam had caught his fingers in the cat again, so it was an unchanged side that needed warming up. All eyes were on the toss – with it being a wet, grey morning the pitch looked a tad green from the covers, so whoever wins the toss is going to bowl first. Aren't they...?
So just like King John, our skipper chooses to bat, making me the Archbishop of Canterbury and keeping our precious show pony batsmen-barons happy. But you know chickens, the crazy cat was right! We post 272, with Watto finding some form and Dash and Charlie both also batting well. But like a ride on a fast roller coaster, you want it to end but the minute it's over you want to get back on.... That's our batsmen to a tee and what a tea it was. I don't know why I worry about being dropped if my wife keeps turning teas out like that: I'm safe (but tubby).
So we bowl and it's warm and overcast. Perfect bowling conditions. Young Mr Coombes takes full advantage getting two early wickets both caught by Mr Safe Hands. We're all over them, Charlie getting a few and even I chip in. So an early finish, surely??? Nope – we finally get them all out in the 48th over for 208. But it's a win and we're happy.
Now at 1 o'clock Saturday, if you would of told me that wicket would of played the way it did with nearly 500 runs scored on it I'd of laughed out loud. But it did play well – it was true and it goes to show that we aren't far away from being a decent team, in my honest opinion. Just a little bit of self-belief, maybe a change to our warm up music, and the Chairman accepting limits on his own power (except when he’s wielding the vacuum cleaner**).
Somerset cup game Thursday night: home versus Bridgewater 2nds. 6.15 start, and maybe a curry after if you’re all good. xx
** For those who claim they didn’t know the Club owned a vacuum cleaner, it’s stored in the ladies’ loo
Report by Chew Elvis