1st XI v Winterbourne (H)
Saturday, 8th August 2015
West of England Premier League
Bristol & North Somerset
I like winning cricket matches,and then drinking cider, as all you know winning cider tastes so much better. Whereas my wife hates me winning cricket matches and then drinking cider as I drink too much, I make Watto stay at mine to watch Ashes highlights, feed his flip flops to my dog, make a terrible mess in the kitchen making food that only tastes good when you’re drunk, then fall into bed, wake her up telling her how good we were today, and then in the morning with a sore head, shoulders, knees and toes tell her I'm giving up cricket: I'm getting too old, my body is falling apart, and like a dragon in the den "I'm out". She just carries on cleaning up the mess, sighs, rolls her eyes like only my wife can, picks up chewed up flip flops and says "shall I drop you to the Peli to get the van?". Well luckily for the army of readers we have, I’m not giving up quite yet as we won again Saturday. I got roaring drunk and all because of this…<\p>
It was a scorcher Saturday. Not a cricket day, it was a holding hands and walking along the sea front with a 99 (with the red sauce and nuts on) day, so when the skipper wins the toss and has a bowl, the Winterbourne pin-up boys all smile whilst the Chew lads think naughty thoughts about our skipper and how we’d like to see him in a Midsomer Murders episode. But how wrong we were. FilerG ripping 3 out for not a lot, Charlie and The King again putting the squeeze on, O’connell getting in on the wicket act and getting the pin-ups out for 181. And ONLY dropping 6 catches – a record for us this season.
If at 12.30pm you would of offered us 181 then I think we would of taken it. At 60 for 5 we felt we slightly let them off the hook, but credit to the Winterbourne lower order they batted well, hit the ball hard and picked the fielders who couldn't catch (i.e all 10 of us). <\p>
Tea was taken and it was a hard act to follow as Winterboune away had been a cracking tea – in fact the best of the season by a mile – but Mrs H did us proud and even Wheelie was full up. <\p>
So we bat and we get off to a flyer with ‘good cop bad cop’ opening pairing of Dash and Vile: Vile smashing it everywhere, Dash stroking it like the baddy in a Bond film stroked his cat. Soon were 80 for none and cruising. But we can’t win a game easy so we chuck our wickets away like only Chew can and soon it looks like we've lost the game – still needing 50 with Ken and Sam at the crease and the worst no. 11 in the league padded up – but it seems someone forgot to tell the batsmen the script. Ken nudges and nurdles, and Sam Chinese cuts his way over the line...
So what have we learnt?? We’ve won three on the bounce and given ourselves an outside shot at 4th place and another chance to play against bigger teams who pay people to play for them, all have budgets to spend on overseas players and ex pros, whilst we are saving up as the wall around the ground needs repointing. Oh, and I hate batting. And Vile’s father stayed longer than him at the Court (which wasn't hard really – as soon as Vile was out he shot off, whilst Mr Lawrence senior stayed to watch the finish).<\p>
Till next week my little pumpkins. <\p>
Report by Chew Elvis