1st XI v Congresbury (A)
Saturday, 15th August 2015
West of England Premier League
Bristol & North Somerset
As you readers of these match reports will know I have a low opinion of batsmen. They are show ponies: they swagger around the changing rooms with massive bags, some have more than one bat, they moan about pitches being too wet, too dry, too hard, too soft, the bounce is too high or too low or even too inconsistent. When it's dark they won't play. They get a tweak. And they used to be able to hit the ball and get another fitter, faster show pony to run for them. In fact if you’re ever on a boat or an aeroplane that gets into trouble, the announcement – and trust me on this – goes "women, children and batsmen first please". So for our show ponies to get 124 without tossing either of their wickets away means I have to eat humble pie, so let's get it over with and I can go back to watching Country File.
So we travel to Congresbury, it’s been a wet week but after the skipper winning the toss and bowling on a road last week anything could happen. Nutty Sam was sort of with us, so Bones was back in the 2s. We win the toss and we bowl and we do it rather well. Charlie getting 3; FilerG, The King and O’connell all getting 2 a piece; and knocking them over for 124 in 45 overs. So we take tea a happy bunch.
Now most teams’ number 11, if only chasing 124 and unless Curtley Ambrose or Dale Steyn were bowling, would shower and get their whites off, safe in the knowledge that they wouldn't be needed. I can't do that: I pad up every week without fail, so this week was no different. We all sat down with no one allowed to move as it brings a wicket and we watched … and watched … and we saw a display that made even me smile. Dash leading from the front and getting to 54 not out and Vile – this week deciding to stay till the end of the match for a change – hitting 2 sixes to win the game (one through a window to keep me happy) ending with 61 not out off 34 balls.
So we win by 10 wickets, cider is drunk and Chew ... well, Chew just keep trying to play cricket in a nice way, with nice chaps, who all play their cricket for love. And with Chew winning four on the bounce, the race to finish 4th and go into WEPL’s new as yet un-named division which would again put the tiny little village of Chew up against the big boys with their overseas pros and fancy pavilions. But we’ve got Watto* so we can do anything.
(*Watto the Australian terrier batsman who plays just for the love of Chew, rather than 4-legged Watto who chews for the love Australians…)
Report by Chew Elvis